Women Declare Themselves Corporations to Force Supreme Court to Grant Them Rights as People

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of American women and girls have declared themselves corporations in order to force the United States Supreme Court to grant them rights as people, legal observers have reported. Attorneys across the nation indicated that they have been swamped by requests from clients seeking to incorporate as soon as possible. “The Supreme … Read more

Meet the Only Sustainable Clothing Company That Upcycles Your Old Clothes and Sells Them Back to You

Introducing YourGarment®, a sustainable clothing company that operates on the principle of E.F.W.B. Scroll through to explore our process for upcycling your clothes into YourGarment®, and start your journey toward #BuyingYourClothesBack. Step one: Your wardrobe begins transforming into YourGarment® the moment you pack your gently worn clothes into our branded, microchipped bags and #DumpThemInALandfill. Step … Read more

Pride Celebrations for the Quietly Contemplative

A gasp at intermission. A nostalgic pilgrimage to the JCPenney underwear aisle. An earnest attempt to bake a rainbow cake. The subsequent purchase of a slice of rainbow cake. A turbulent “trip to ‘Chromatica’ ” (listening to “Chromatica” on shuffle). A triumphant march in your own personal Pride parade (the walk from your couch, where you … Read more